A ran across the following thought provoking question at a blog site.
what is the relationship between ‘secrecy’ and ‘intimacy’? i mean, there’s, of course, the etymology:
the English word intimacy
derived from the English word intimate
derived from the Latin word intimus (inmost; most secret; most intimate)
derived from the Latin word intimatus
derived from the Late Latin word intimare (tell, tell about, relate)
using the English suffix -acy
and
the English word secrecy
derived from the English word secret
derived from the Old French word secret
derived from the Latin word secretus (separate, apart; private)
derived from the Latin word secernere (separate)
derived from the Greek word agogos, ἀγωγός
derived from the Greek word agein, ἄγω
derived from the Proto-Indo-European root *ag-
I couldn’t help but respond.
Despite the linkages between secret and intimate I think their meanings are somewhat at odds with each other. Secrecy most often connotes something kept hidden and very frequently the purpose of such hiding (whether for individuals, corporations or governments) is fear. A lyric from a song I like says: “The darker the secret, the harder you keep it.” The more I fear the information or connotation of a secret, the deeper it is buried. The more singular a secret is held, the more true it is to its purpose. The old saying is secrets were meant to be told. While that may be a natural inclination, that is also the ultimate failure when it comes to secrets.
Intimacy is about sharing. Intimacy is about openness. While secrecy involves closing up, intimacy requires opening even if only to one other person. While there may be trust in the sharing of a secret, the trust is not really about the hiding it is about the sharing. Intimacy, as it grows, must drive out fear and must eliminate all secrets between the intimates in order to achieve perfection.
Another word related to secrets is confidence (that which is confided). That word seems a far more able companion to intimacy. It is a word that contains trust, faith, assurance and even certainty. It is a word that can say both I believe in me and I believe in you. Failure in this context, the betrayal of a confidence, may be caused by the sharing of a secret, but it is really much more about the breach of trust than it is about the secret. There is no consideration of fear when there is complete confidence.
Perfect intimacy and complete confidence are ideals, no doubt. They seem unlikely given human limitations. I don’t always know my own heart and mind. If I am, at times, opaque to myself then how can I be completely transparent to another. Within my own murkiness lie the seeds for fear, the potential for betrayal, the possible failure of trust (ultimately I can only trust you as much as I trust me), and a conceivable loss of intimacy. But even in an adulterated form, which may be the best I can achieve, the coupling of intimacy and confidence seem far more alluring, much more desirable, infinitely more freeing than any joining involving secrecy.
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