Life is full of firsts and some of the most memorable for teens revolve around relationships. First boyfriends, holding hands and other little things become life-long memories that stand almost as measuring sticks for everything that comes after. Even if they aren’t monumental in the long run, they usually linger like a sort of keepsake or memento. A pure, powerful feeling hidden like a snapshot in the locket of your heart.
A couple of weeks back my older daughter had her second first kiss. I don’t want to embarrass her by going on about it. I only bring it up because I know how important such first things are and I don’t think things went quite the way they should have with her experience of this.
Why do I say her second first kiss? Because when she was in elementary school she kissed a boy on the bus as a dare. That went about as well as this more recent episode. The school called our house, their were questions asked, written warnings were issued. What was once considered less than a school-girl prank ended up feeling like a narrowly averted terrorists incident.
Her second first kiss was more traditional in nature. She and a bunch of other kids were bowling. One of the kids was a boy who she likes and likes her. At some point during the evening, he kissed her. I’m not sure if there were brass-bands and shooting stars, because we haven’t really talked about the event.
We haven’t talked because the whole thing kind of went sideways on her. Susan is not allowed to date yet. So her trip to bowling was a group thing — NOT A DATE. The group thing was supervised by a parent who had stepped out of the bowling alley for a few minutes and came back just in time to see the kiss, which came as more than a surprise since said parent didn’t know about the boy. Awkward silence for everyone marked the rest of the night.
A first kiss is a powerful and memorable thing. I still remember the girl, not much older than my daughter, who shared that moment with me. I recall still the explosion of joy, of exultation, that threatened to make my chest burst. I remember being giddy, almost dizzy, and not being able to sleep that night.
I know how I felt and it scares me to think my daughter might feel the same way about some boy, and perhaps even more that some boy might feel that way about her. For me, that first kiss felt like TNT exploding and it took some time for me to regain my senses. It isn’t that I don’t trust her or that boy, in many ways it is that I don’t trust the me that I remember. It isn’t just the good things that stay with you.
As Susan has said, she isn’t me. I know that, but it doesn’t help allay all my fears or calm every concern. These are dangerous times, the dynamics of girls and boys have not changed that much since Eden, and I don’t want for her any of the hurt that can come like a thunderclap on a sunny day.
I hope my daughter will want to talk to me about this first and many of the others that will come after. They are treasures. I hope I can find my balance on the tightrope of remembered joy above the fearful abyss. Otherwise I won’t be able to talk back.
Tags: firstkiss, boyfriends, date, dating, bowling
I’m a poor poet. I use the art form as a kind of therapy. I make peace with memories or pick at feelings to try and decipher them. I wrote the following originally as almost a lament of how the pure sweet fire of relationships seems to fade with age. But when making something for the wedding of a friend I found myself feeling something more positive than changed this poem. Apologies to my daughter for posting it here.
First Kiss
First kiss tingled through synapses,
current coursing up the spine
as lips uncertain, clumsy, thick,
crossed unmapped distance with
messages telegraphed unconscious,
unclear, ephemeral perhaps,
not meant to last a lifetime.
But shadows of the power remain
undying in heart and soul and brain,
background noise to hiss and pop,
to touch a thought with static shock,
to defibrillate a heart now cold,
and bless all things love can hold.
By: aesopsdaughters on July 18, 2008
at 3:36 am
you are a very insperational writer
i see that you get your point across and some parents should read up on what you have to say. you have a serious talent. its good that you take your own experiences and share them with others to show the general public what you have to say.
way to change the world
By: the secret kitten on August 6, 2008
at 6:14 am